Category: Creative Works

Pain chocked up in Taylor’s throat as anxiety vibrated through their body. The thrill of being on the edge made the stress feel less like a burden but a natural reaction to what lay in front of them—the drop of what lay below where they sat. The turbulent waves of the North Pacific Ocean crashed into the rocks, weathering the stable ground under them, creating thrill-filled anxiety  .

They reached up to their hair, grabbed the tie holding it together, and pulled on to release it from the loosely tight confines. The salty scented air picked up just now, blowing through the short strings, sweeping them back from their face. And all they wanted to do was pull it out so that it didn’t reach their back, only just above their broad shoulders . It would certainly make it easier to see where they fully felt free.

Taylor pushed themselves from the edge, walked off the jetty, and hopped onto the sand below. It crunched beneath the heavy shoes as they walked along the coast. The sun  was just peaking over the horizon line where the two tremendous forces of nature – the sky and sea – met, illuminating the beach stroller in a glow of orange and yellow . Thankfully, no red seemed to be present, indicating a good day ahead.  The sun was rising in the sky on the California coast, covering the people on the beach in its warm glow.  

While it wasn’t packed as it was at high noon, surfers and runners dotted the beach, taking in what could be one of the best runs of the day for them in both of its meanings. The guys had bright-colored swim trunks that varied in both colors and patterns. The girls ranged in their looks. Some had on bikinis, covering them in the barest way possible. They usually weren’t in on the surf. The waves crashing onto the beach startled them as they relaxed their heads onto their towels with beach umbrellas already set up to provide them shade. Others had tankinis and one-piece bathing suits that seemed to be made from less flimsy materials. Most of them had surfboards in hand or were swimming around in the wake. There was a group just by the bend where the beaches’ sand dipped and turned, showcasing the weathering and erosion. They were standing around in wetsuits with a female instructor that seemed to prep them for a good dive into the depths below.  

Taylor didn’t feel like they were sinking into the sand but walking above it as the moist sand. There was barely any janky movement or missteps to be found. It was as if the sand became a red carpet, almost as if they were a celebrity or royalty traveling from abroad. They were wrapped in a black and silver dress tight around the torso but became looser as one traveled down, revealing short leggings underneath, turning the dress into what felt like a tunic instead. Taylor also had light amounts of jewelry, mostly silver, to complement the dress. They had on a silver circlet decorated with knots. The silver made the green of their eyes pop up and complimented the wavy light brown hair it was rested upon. They also had a small silver bracelet that jangled every time they stepped. It made the beach denizens they passed stop to wonder where the strange noise was coming from before noticing them as they walked by. While the tunic and leggings were usually what Taylor wore, the added jewelry felt weird for them to navigate,  but they were trying to look presentable for who they were here to see, someone who deserved to see them at their best.  

Moist, soft sand under their feet soon turned into rockier sand as they approached the tide pools dotting the coastline, dividing the beach between the rocky cliffs above. They stepped up on the rocks in front of them. As they dipped their toes into the pool before them, they shivered. Goosebumps still formed all over their body as the sun hadn’t been up long enough to warm the water. But Taylor took a deep breath in, anyway, closing their eyes before submerging their right foot into the tide pool. The blood rushed back towards their muscles with the rush of cold water.

They could see the wave’s foam surge up behind the tide pools’ rocks as the waves crashed into them. Water drops would form onto the stones, shining like crystals like the sun. As far as they could see, rocks, weathered and shaped, hugged the coastline. Their proximity to the waves created a slippery experience for those trying to get to the beach on the other side, just as Taylor was trying to do now.

The natural movement through the water made their previous stillness feel less like relaxation and more like holding back a lifetime of aches and pains. The way they tried to hold themselves straight in the world, keeping up with their family’s expectations despite what they indeed are. Usually, in a story of this type, who they were would make them not have to live in those expectations , bucking from who they should be. But it feels like they are stuck in the family politics of the old Edwardian era instead of being in the 21st century. It doesn’t even matter that they are not in their family’s ancestral home, where the class system still seems to bind everyone. 

But they’re so sick of thinking of any of that right now. They hate that they can’t give themselves a break, their thoughts just rushing in, spiraling deeper and deeper. Taylor wishes they could prevent it, not just through the medication that their family only accepts so that they can seem “normal” to the rest of the world. It’s never about their well-being, never about their thoughts and opinions. Maybe, Taylor thought that letting their thoughts spiral is a good thing, ultimately let themselves become just another young, dumb teenager being a rebel without a cause. But right now, they couldn’t manage it in the moment, but Taylor’s thoughts kept getting heavier and heavier. All they wanted to do was to shove everything that hurts them out of sight and out of mind. They’re trying to process all of it as the lump in their throat caused by the thrill is growing larger and larger, panicking Taylor into a panic until they’re found unconscious several hours later. Taylor almost finds that thought appealing, before scrambling to grab the headphones that they know are in their bag.  

But as they reach to pull them out of the bag, Taylor feels their hands rub along the smooth, furred skin hidden in their bag. They gasp, taking in a deep breath. They almost forgot they had the pelt in their panic, but why would they? They never wanted this skin to fall into any unwanted hands and if they truly wanted to get away from their family, the last thing Taylor would want is a way to keep them trapped there. Their family would exploit that weakness in that they all share but would use it against the one they despise.

It made their small rebellions feel like petty childhood games to the wider world, taking on all their family’s scorn until it becomes their own to bear. But in a few months, it wouldn’t matter. Their skin, their pelt. It would no longer be theirs to be given freely as they choose. It would become their betrothed’s to be gifted and would only give their pelt as he saw fit. They would be forced to stay by their husband’s side, not being able to leave as they keep having to pop out children for their families. Taylor thought that past legends and tales would place fear of that in their family, but Taylor had to be born into a family that was twisted and sick. Those stories were not viewed as a curse or a tragedy when the unwanted gifting of the pelt would be to another of their own family, not one stolen by a human.

And of course, it would always be a “he”. Despite the rest of the underground’s acceptance of other sexual and gender identities, their family just had to continue being stuck in a human-like mentality. And given the successes in civil rights, that sentiment felt offensive to try to compare their family to that hard-fought progress. Their name was theirs, even if they were repeatedly misgendered, deadnamed, etc. Taylor was who they were and who they would become as they grew up. They were not their little princess, confused and misguided by the nonsense in the human world.  

They continued to slip into tide pools, wading through the knee-deep waters, trying to avoid provoking any claws in their direction. Their destination was the rocky alcove on the other side of the pools. Technically, the beach extended from their location, which looked more like what you think of when someone says they’re heading to the beach, versus the rocky stretch of tidal pools. But, on the other side, the land beyond the seashore started to elevate, creating a cliffy beach alcove that no one could make the venture out to at high tide, being swept away under the tides.

Taylor’s cousin had expressed interest in meeting up to go for a swim. She was someone in Taylor’s family that they could admire. She was the black sheep of their family, but given who their family was, that was admirable. Taylor wished every day that they were as brave as their cousin, who got out and was now swimming freely in this vast ocean with the people she loved. She eventually got disowned by their family, but in the end, it didn’t matter to her.

Taylor hadn’t seen them in forever since she had been traveling around the world with her friends. They had all used to hang out with each other together in Los Angeles before deciding to document their adventures, snorkeling and swimming, and free diving all over the world. They did have a house they lived in Australia, where one of them was from, but that house wasn’t used as enough as one would think. Thankfully, even though Taylor was taking their sweet time, soaking in the day that was ahead of them, they didn’t see them in front of them. 

Taylor sat down, leaning against the rocks, as they looked out towards the ocean. As the sun shined on them, Taylor felt their eyes start to shut. They shouldn’t have stayed up last night on their cell phone, watching videos late into the night. As they started to drift off, they noticed something large moving in the water. They shook their head while springing up to see the large object in the water get closer and closer. The object started to resemble a moving surfboard from a distance, but as Taylor got closer and closer to the shoreline, the shape started to resemble something familiar. And finally, a fur seal started to push itself onto the beach.

Taylor bent down from a distance. As a fellow selkie, most seals were friendly towards them, so the risk for attack was low. But, no one, no matter the species, wanted someone they didn’t know too close to them.

“Rachel. Is that you?”

The seal nodded her head, leaned up as much as she could, and started to shake her body to get all of the water off. Suddenly, what was once flippers became the sleeves of a brown fur coat with hands sticking out of them. Her body became longer as human legs grew under them. The fur shrunk back into just a coat adorning the human figure sitting on the beach. A middle-aged woman sat before her, long, blonde curls cascaded in front of her face as they blew in the ocean breeze.  

“Taylor!” Rachel smiled. “It’s so good to see you again. Just give me one minute.”

Rachel stood up and grabbed a bag that was tied around her back. She then adjusted her coat, walking towards the nearest cave. After a couple of minutes, Rachel returned, the pelt was nowhere to be found.

“Sorry. You would think magic would make that easier.” Rachel said, stopping in front of Taylor.

Taylor rushed toward their cousin, giving her a big hug as they rested their head on Rachel’s shoulder. ‘It’s been so long. Things have gotten worse since we last talked.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Oh, God. What have they done now?”

“They keep talking of a betrothal. With who? I have no clue.” Taylor responded. “And they just keep misgendering me. They say that I’m their princess and they need to find my prince.”

“God, I can’t even sympathize with that part. Sorry, Taylor.” Rachel pulled them closer, hugging them tighter.

“Well, it helps when you say my name. I feel respected when I hear that. And honestly, I would rather feel validated by you than them.” Taylor said. “I don’t even want to get married in the first place.”

Rachel stepped back, looking at Taylor. “Really?”

“Yeah. It’s called asexuality, but if they don’t accept me being non-binary, they won’t accept this from me.” Taylor said. “I’m prepared to pack up all my things and get disowned.”

“God, I’ve had an influence on you, haven’t I?” Rachel smirked, crossing her arms. “Well, if you really want to, the door’s open for you.”

“Thank you.” Taylor grabbed onto their elbows, looking down shyly. They then looked up towards Rachel. “Are you sure your friends will be okay with that?”

Rachel laughed. “You kidding? They’ll be fine with it. They helped me escape our family’s abuse years ago. They would be more than happy to help.”

Taylor looked out at the ocean. “Where are they now? I assume you didn’t swim here on your own.”

“They are currently at the marina. We just got out of Customs.  They dropped me off offshore and I swam here.” Rachel explained.

Taylor opened their mouth to speak, but then stopped and looked away.

Rachel turned towards them, “What is it?”

“I know that you just swam here and just changed, but, do you think that we could go for a swim?” Taylor asked. 

Rachel turned to face the ocean, then shrugged “Would have preferred for you to me earlier, but it’s fine.” She pulled the pelt out of the bag “Anyone looking in this direction?”

Taylor, while pulling out their own pelt, looked toward the people on the beach, then shook their head “Nope. If we go into the water without changing right away, we should be fine. The rocks covered you before when you changed, so no one spotted anything.”

Rachel released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Alright.” She gestured to the water. “After you then.”

Taylor started to wade in, feeling the cold water move further up their body as they moved in more and more. As they started to shiver, the warmness of the pelt felt more appealing, and they pulled it closer to their body. They heard splashing behind them as Rachel moved through the water as well. She came up beside them. They looked at each other before diving into the world, fully submerging themselves in the water as well as their coats.

When swimming this close to the shore, they always had to look out for plastics  . Rachel always said it didn’t matter where they go anymore. Finding pollution was easy for them under the surface. Even when the open ocean looked pristine and clear, a quick dive would reveal the illusion for what it was. It was especially dangerous for creatures who could be easily exposed if they were caught or be stuck in a life of captivity, whether stuck as a seal or experimented upon as a shapeshifter.

The freedom that Taylor hoped to grasp was always farther and farther in its reach, whether it’s their family or the freedom and shelter the oceans provide. But, maybe Taylor doesn’t have to work to achieve that freedom alone.    

I invoke you, Polyhymnia, Aengus, Brigid

As I call upon the spirits,

The protectors, the caregivers

Of the planet, I love so dearly.

Those who govern over it

As part of their psyche, their soul, their duty.

I wish for you to communicate to them, connect to them

As I give them praise and respect, love, and admiration,

Dedication and worship. Those who I invoke as

I spend my days on this plane

Trying to hear their messages,

Their words, living in their image

I invoke you to grant a blessing to this poem and to provide a means

Of inspiration and communication

I breathe in

the air in which you govern over

on this chilly, winter night.

Shining your bright full glow

over the world below,

reflecting the water to

sparkle in iridescence

I try to live as you would

Strong, unwavering, powerful.

I appear before you as a follower, a worshipper.

I know you wish to call out to me,

Appearing as the cards shuffle,

Day after day, Night after night,

Appearing always. I always

anticipate you, wishing to hear from you.

I am thankfully never disappointed as your card appears

Out of the deck. To those that read it, it represents chaos,

disorder, change, uncertainty, illusion.

But to me, it’s reassurance, care, protection, thankfulness

That you would even wish to hear from me, to talk to me.

I ask for your power, your strength in these trying times.

Attacks, slander, death, destruction seem to follow us,

everywhere we go.

To achieve sustainability, to achieve our goals

Of a better planet, of a better world.

We need the justice you have provided.

We will not, cannot achieve your domain’s protection

without you and your siblings’ justice.

Our bodies, our hearts, our minds, our souls.

They are just as much as part of your nature, your wilderness,

Your wildness as we are not separate from you.

We are part of you

Whether man wishes to acknowledge

Your presence or not.

Their efforts to

Discredit

Demonize

Depower

Destroy

Have not succeeded.

The cycle never stops, ever-growing,

Ever-changing.

Changed by nature’s whims

Changed by organisms’ whims

Changed by animals’ whims

Changed by mammals’ whims

Changed by humans’ whims

The seasons will change,

From one to another

But, how they change is

Up to nature, to us

Will the snow continue into June?

Will the heat waves creep up

Further and further and further?

Will this truly incredible transformation

Cease to exist, leaving behind

Monotony and uniformity and conformity

And further control, suffocating us

Deeper into bodies assigned to us at

Birth. Ones in which we should

Be able to explore ourselves

In freedom and expression.

Will we subject ourselves to control

Once more?

Will we be forced back into a pantomime,

Into a circus performance, become a cautionary tale?

Will we go the way of the wolf,

Feared and hunted until controlled and domesticated

Into obedience, submission, eternal companionship,

not allowed out our own freedom or agency?

Our love,

Our freedom,

Our confidence

Our expression

Scares them.

Unknown, Uncontrollable, Unstoppable

We are the wolves, the owls, the vultures, the ravens.

The night creatures that come out of twilight,

A liminal paradise for those that don’t

want exposure, outed in the reveal of the sun’s light, saddening the bright lordship

Of the unashamed, non-conforming sun god, your twin in power,

who wishes to embrace all of us as his own.

Maybe, the shapeshifters have it right

The werewolves whose relation to

The wolf has changed with understanding,

Whose fear and transformation have matched our own

Sometimes blessed, but still feared

You are still invoked and called upon, whether conscious or not.

It is not blasphemy or damnation, but a divine embrace.

The earth is egalitarian, validating all people, no matter their creed, race, gender, socioeconomic status,

gender identity, sexual orientation, veteran status, disability status, national origin.

Remembering that returns us to a state in which to save the planet, help you.

Our earthly community encompasses all as you believe, as your siblings believe.

Their spirits have not been lost.

We wish to lose a part of ourselves

in intoxication, becoming free of society’s constraints

Just as the followers of the Cult of Dionysus did, that worship is still found in safe spaces

For us demonized and marginalized,

The ones you swore to protect, to defend,

just as I will do for you now.

I will use my confidence, my brain, my body, my inner strength, my outer strength

As weapons in your name

when I cannot find one to use

to defend our right to live as free as we hope to, in a world

Of tolerance and acceptance towards our fellow humans,

Towards our fellow creatures, our genetic brothers, sisters, and siblings,

And towards our planet, our provider, our guardian, our nurturer,

in all the capacities you all represent.

I thank you if you have listened to this dedication, to this prayer, to this call,

As I try to speak to you as you have spoken to me

Our natural world is understandable, yet still fascinating and mysterious. We have established a plastic rigidity to our understanding of the modern world, the human structures present, the laws of the universe, the theory of evolution. But, the plastic rigidity just seems like a way for us to mask the truth of the matter. That we have no way of fully comprehending our universe, not through a lack of trying but just being who we are: human. We are relatively insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Our total of human history only represents a fraction of the cosmic calendar. We have only been around for the last minute of the universe’s 13.7-billion-year time scale. That fact already seems like it’s stretching our understanding of the word. But sometimes because of that fact, we need to learn to accept the unexplainable, whether we chalk it up to science we haven’t understood yet or just plain magic that is practiced by higher beings or different species.

We need to allow the mystery to take us on a journey not just for our bodies and minds, but for our souls. Humans have insignificant lifespans compared to the lifespan of the universe. We live our lives trying to make the most of it before our deaths.  But while we live, many of us try to silence the part of ourselves that we use to hear the creativity and imagination and wonder, when we should engage with that innate part of ourselves.

Spending time in the natural world in my childhood helped to engage that wonder and imagination.I learned to swim outside not just in a pool, but in a pond, learning to swim in the natural waters. The body of water is called Learned’s Pond, a kettle pond that was formed from the retreat of the glaciers from New England 11,000 years ago. Throughout history, many people settled near the pond. The Nipmuc found the area around the pond to be a pleasant place to settle down. Once the Europeans arrived, the neighborhood around Learned’s Pond became a farming community, one of which is called Isaac Learned Farm, which becomes the namesake of the pond. One legend was about a resident of the Warren Oaks neighborhood named Joseph Brandish Jr, who served on a merchant ship. He eventually led a mutiny against the captain and became a pirate captain. His life ended with imprisonment and hanging, but during his time in English jail, he was the cellmate of Captain William Kidd whose treasure is rumored to be buried on the shores of Learned Pond to this day. As a kid, me and my friends would try to dig through the sand and dive deeper into the water to try to find the treasure. We, unfortunately, never found the treasure, but people are still looking to this day.

The town hosted weekly summer swimming lessons that I attended during elementary school. I would remember wading through the water to climb up onto the metal docks that would be dragged out of storage every summer. The docks would shift under your weight as you walk. They were high and thick enough not to topple over, but it still is a surreal feeling to be essentially walking on top of the water. The docks were shaped like an H, allowing a divide between the shallows and the deep end. The lifeguards would usually lookout on the docks in the middle of the H.

After learning how to swim, I decided to join the town swim team. There are two different seasons, winter and summer. During the summer season, there are many different places you swim in. Some pools are indoors like my home pool at Keefe Technical School. But, others are outdoors. My main stroke is the backstroke. While other strokes are easy to duplicate when outside, backstroke can be a bit of a mess. Usually, when one does the backstroke indoors, you can usually rely on the ceiling to keep yourself in a straight line. But, there is no ceiling when outdoors. You only have the sky, making the swimmer rely exclusively on their stroke count to make sure that they don’t smash their head into the wall.

But no matter if you’re swimming in an inside or outside pool, the threat of lightning seizes all activity. Unless your indoor pool is insolated, you are forced out of the pool and made to wait for about a half-hour. For every crash of thunder heard, another thirty minutes is added. One time when during a summer swim meet away at Newton, thunder was heard in the distance. I don’t recall if the meet had already started or if we were only on warmups before the meet, but, it doesn’t really matter. The storm was coming in and we were forced inside. Newton is one of the wealthiest communities in Massachusetts. But, its human wealth didn’t matter in this situation. We were only subjected to the natural elements, no matter our socioeconomic status. We were forced to reside in the bathhouse while we waited out the thunderstorm. We were hunched together to prevent being near anything in the bathhouse that could hurt us which is hard to do in a bathhouse where water is central to the structure’s function and there were electricity rushing through the bathhouse.

Electricity powers our modern world. It’s fascinating to think that being able to type that on a computer really puts that into perspective. My computer’s circuitry is run on electricity and currently, it’s plugged into an outlet that can charge it just like that. There’s no need to change out the batteries like other devices. The charging process provides the battery with enough power to survive. Our bodies are even powered with electricity, neurons connecting to one another so that we can stay alive.

Ultimately, electricity is something that feels primordial because it ties back to a phenomenon that still fascinates us to this day: lightning. Lightning is the original manifestation of electricity. Its power is unmatched in our eyes, even with reason and logic and science trying to curb that. The mythology, the lore, and the qualities we grant this phenomenon are unparalleled. Weather gods themselves are manifestations of this primordial and almost divine, if not divine by itself, fascination with the mysteries of weather.

There’s a tradition in Indo-European religions as far-reaching as India with Hinduism and continuous to be found as one travels west through Europe to Spain and Portugal to the west and the islands and Nordic countries to the North. Weather gods are seen as powerful and near supreme in their power, often becoming the archetypal sky father, whether Zeus or Thor or Horus or Dagr or others who don’t perfectly fit this archetype or come from cultures not part of this shared mythological spread of traditions. Those traditions have been spread beyond as people travel and chat and make connections to each other, making humanity more interconnected than ever. That spread of ideas has coincided with the spread of electricity as the reason why that spread can exist, tying the cultural back into the technological.

Lightning is still power, even when diluted to fit into our modern conveniences. One single spark of electricity in the home can do the same damage as a bolt of lightning can do in the forest.  We can treat lightning as any other element, one in which its benevolence saves us, or its apathy destroys us. Fire can warm us and be used for creation but snuff us out through burning through everything, branding or killing us. Earth is our stability, our provider, but it’s ever moving and changing, causing changes that can ultimately harm us such as avalanches or earthquakes. Air is how we live, our breath, but it can be removed and be used to further the chaos that is the weather, something that even the scientists studying the phenomena admit the unpredictability. Water is in our blood, both literally and metaphorically, but the ocean scares us.

Our land is an exception on this planet, not a rule. We see the vastness of the plains and steppes, the steepness and grandeur of mountains, and the deepest depths in canyons. The rainforests are home to so much life, concentrating all this evolution in plants, insects, birds, amphibians, mammals and so many other living things into several parts of the world, all along an invisible line that is determined as to where solar radiation is the strongest on the entire planet.

But, all of this, the variety, our history, our cultures, the diversity in life, the beauty found, is only representative of less than a quarter of the planet. It’s evident when you can see it, but we are an ocean planet. Not to the extent of Uranus and Neptune could be with their possible subsurface oceans along with the moons of Jupiter and Saturn. The blueness that completely covers their outer appearance in space that isn’t achievable by us with our green and brown continents. But, being the Planet Oceanus really strikes us deeply. That exploring the world and traveling that world only skims the surface of what is found on this planet but even what is deeper under the surface. Traveling the ocean will only let you see the surface when the mystery of the ocean is not just its size but the depth that can swallow our greatest inventions whole.  Our technical marvels end up in the ocean one way or another.

Training underwater helps to train astronauts into going into space, creating the parallel of a form of space not yet seen by humans that is on our planet. Many of our satellites and returning rockets crash into the ocean, whether to be recovered or let them be consumed and sunk to form another piece of human garbage. Whether it will be added to the wasteful miles upon miles that we have already dumped, forming a mythical Giant Pacific Garbage Patch that is not as visible and clear as the name seems to suggest. Swallowing our ships and our people whole through icebergs and rogue waves, filling them up with water that seems to be ever-filling.

Our tiny vessel is no match to the matriarchs and patriarchs governing our ocean with gallons filling up the Lusitania and the Titanic in mere hours. A rogue wave can tip over a boat with a sturdy and wide base, weighing hundreds of thousands of tons, turning off all the engines and power systems to leave it to the elements to be swallowed. All unforgiving towards the poor souls trapped aboard. This boat, this vessel is the only thing keeping them from having to comprehend the incomprehensibility of our vast, deep ocean. It’s separating us from being pulled down deeper and deeper until we are completely swallowed up by the water as it rushes into our bodies, chocking us to have us to join its watery grave it’s made for us on where we stop whether sinking down to be decomposed on the seafloor or on a continental shelf or lay on top of a volcanic mid-ocean ridge. Our bodies are decomposed and used to further the life found here and in which we had ultimately come from. In a way, drowning in the ocean becomes a return to the primordial soup that created us.